Families are diverse and don’t look the same for each child. It’s not unusual for someone to have two mams or two dads. If your kids are curious – like most children are – they may ask you about it. These questions are a great opportunity to share information with your child about important topics like sexual orientation and healthy relationships.

Our advice is to talk to your children about sexual orientation and, more broadly healthy relationships, early and often. As with most topics that fall under the umbrella of sexual or reproductive health, rather than having a one and done conversation or “the talk,” it should be many conversations over time. You can dive into deeper conversations as your child gets older.

By the start of puberty, which can be as early as 8-9 years old for girls and 9-10 years old for boys, the goal would be to have had several (if not many) “mini” conversations about topics that set the foundation for healthy relationships with friends, their own bodies and, eventually, romantic relationships. Sexual orientation is one thread of the beautiful tapestry of who your child is and how they interact with the world. No need to ask your child what their sexual orientation is, but rather explore their thoughts and feelings with them as they develop. Things will become clear when they do.

How might you accomplish this? Rather than one daunting, formal “sit-down” conversation, look for teachable moments. Your child might tell you their friend has a crush on someone. That can become a teachable moment to ask questions like “What do you think about that?” or “Do you have feelings for anyone?” And, to round out the discussion to include healthy relationships, I might say “How would you handle having a crush on somebody at school?” and even “What does it mean for someone to be a good romantic partner or a not so good one?” The focus for that question is to provide the opportunity to talk about respect, trust, kindness, support, etc.

Then, as your conversations progress, you can gauge where your child is with their own feelings, what level they are at in understanding and offer that reassurance to them that you are open to listening. Be sure to thank your kids for sharing their thoughts with you. Remember, they don’t have to share this stuff with you. If they learn it’s not safe, they will seek out other avenues to get information. As parent, it is best to provide that safe, loving environment to talk even if it’s uncomfortable.